Issue 04: Context / Inside & Outside

A story about skin, stress, and finding my way back to art.

Author

Sue Ellen Zhang
August 01, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes

INTRODUCTION

I've noticed that the stories behind our art reveal as much about who we are as the work itself. The context of an artist is what can turn a painting into something that really resonates.

I'm sharing this piece I wrote around two years ago that explains how I found my way back to painting. It's a story about a difficult time that ended up changing everything for me, and I think it's worth telling again, especially for those of you who are newer to my journey.

Youth

Chinese culture values discipline and hard work – the tradition holds that with patience and training, anything is possible. From a young age, I embraced this mindset and was immersed in a variety of arts including fine art, piano, and ballet. From elementary to high school, my days were filled from 7am to 10pm with school, ballet, piano, Chinese school, homework, and painting.

This dedication allowed me to not only establish a solid technical foundation but also build a strong character.

However, being Chinese-American meant navigating a culture that shames emotion and idolizes achievements. I found myself inside a pressure cooker, leading to a loss of meaning and self. Although I was admitted into painting programs for college, I ended up choosing a school where I was undecided and could figure out my interests outside of what I’ve always known. I didn’t paint again until COVID where I started hand painting clothing and tote bags for some extra income. But, I believe the most pivotal point in my artistic journey was my last year in college.

Why I Started Painting Again

During my senior year of college, the pressure of graduation and the daunting apprehension of entering the real world caused my insides to boil. My family viewed my major (Linguistics & Psychology) as a dead-end for finding a job, and constantly pushed their ideas of successful careers. But nothing appealed to me and I had no idea what I wanted to do.

A few months before graduation, I had a psoriasis onset. Psoriasis is an autoimmune condition that causes inflammation on the skin with red scaly patches. I watched my mother battle this chronic disease my whole life and I was terrified to see it appear all over my own skin. I felt helpless and alone, and now my outsides were boiling too. Psoriasis affected every inch of my body and even creeped onto my face. Physically, I could withstand it, but mentally, I couldn’t. I constantly thought about my psoriasis, about my mom, about my future, and the more I ruminated, the worse my condition got. It was an endless cycle.

At this point, I had not painted for years, but one day I was compelled to create an image that expressed how I felt. I was restricting my diet to see if it had any positive effect on my skin, and the limitations felt reminiscent of my ballet days – a ball of angst filled my chest that desperately needed to be released. So, I bought acrylics, brushes, and a canvas, and pounded out a painting. Time passed by so quickly, I forgot I even had psoriasis. It was exhilarating, not only was I finally present, but I also created a new work of art. Obsessed, I bought bulk packs of 18×24 canvases from Michael’s, sprawled my supplies across the living room, and claimed it as my studio.

First painting I created after a 3 year break “Indulgence”

From then on, all I did was drag myself to class, and then race back home to paint. It was the only way I could cope with the distress and frustration. Securing a dermatology appointment was nearly impossible due to 4-month long wait times and none of the topical treatments were working, so I just kept painting. I kept painting and painting until the days became easier and I started recognizing the small beauties in life. I even saw the beauty of the red blotches on my skin. I appreciated my psoriasis for giving me the joy of painting and releasing my unending creativity.

I vowed to myself that I would live my life as authentically and as outrageously as I could with or without psoriasis. Months later, I was introduced to a biologic that I qualified for. Thanks to modern biotechnology, I am now free of red patches, and left with an artistic soul.

PRESENT DAY

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These days, I work in creative marketing and design for a longevity clinic because my experience navigating our broken healthcare system with psoriasis was just a glimpse of what many people endure. I continue to paint because I keep choosing art, over and over again. It's been part of my life in different ways since the beginning, and I know it will stay with me as I keep growing and learning.